Sunday, 28 February 2016

LIFESTYLE | WHERE HAVE I BEEN?

Hello it's me... 
Thank you Adele for the most appropriate intro to my blog post ever. I started to realise that actually you might not remember who, 'me' as in, 'I' was anymore. Luckily for all of you out there reading the words on your screen right now, aren't alone. I have been wondering the same thing to. 

Many of you may have noticed (or not have lol as I'm no celebrity) I have been away from the vast space that is the world wide web. I have hardly browsed social media, no more days of double tapping and seeing that red heart pop up, favoring words people write in no more that 140 characters, let alone checked my blog, or had it in me to write a blog post.

It feels as though I have been failing....muddling through, getting by one step at a time. 
Why do we use that phrase? 
One step at a time? 
Realistically I have been doing the complete opposite. I have been racing ahead, all guns blazing, I have been frozen in a time-capsule. I have been either/or, there has not been one moment in which I have been getting by, one step at a time. 

So what has been going on. After 2015 blessed me so well with forms of stability, I entered 2016 with high hopes for the future. That is what we all want right? Hopes and dreams for a better future. Time started to get the better of me, or what I thought started to get the better of me, uni became a thing of the past, work a chore and normal routine became abysmally mundane. I became so busy I couldn't even focus on me. 

Last year I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, which I had kept quiet about for a long time as it didn't really register with me what was actually going on. And only now as I type this have I come to realise how serious this is.
 I will be doing an in-depth  post on it soon, to share with you all. And at the same time possibly gain some closure and understanding myself on the situation. But since the diagnosis I hadn't received any treatment or any awareness on my mental health. Sadly after visiting a place from my past this year for the first time in around fourteen years, I became unstable and it triggered and played havoc with my routine. Luckily only two weeks later I started group therapy and now I am trying to get a hold of things- although still not taking anything one step at a time. 

 For the post I thought we could just have a little catch up, you could grab a cuppa, put your feet up and we could have a virtual natter, let me know if it worked.

Recently I have been struggling to get up and get motivated with things, I was all raring to go when at one point but since then all that inspiration and energy has gone. For a long time I have been trying to work out what it is and honestly thought I was failing at everything.  In simple terms I am struggling, struggling but not giving up. Trying to continue on my good days and at least say I can on my bad days. Blog posts may not be as regular but I will continue to try.
 Trying at the moment is the best I can do. 

I don't really want this post to turn emotional or into a rant. As you all know blogging is something I love but at this moment in time I will continue to put out content when and where I can. But for the first time I have to come first. This post may be a little vague or a little here and there, but I will get back in the swing of things. Just watch me 

xx
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